I’ll make this as painless as possible.
I’ve had the same girlfriend for 7 years now. Hold your applause, that only proves we’re both too lazy to shop for new people. Don’t get me wrong, we got love for each other and we hardly fight…ever. But like any other couple we hit stale spots where we each secretly think theres gotta be someone out there better that isn’t so goddamn boring.
But my biggest problem with her involves something that is black, about 14 inches long and weighs about 10 pounds. You sick bastard, i’m not talking about a cock. I’m talking about her min-pin (miniature pinscher), and I hate this dog with all my being. I prefer dogs over any other pet, but this point in my life i don’t wanna live with any pets. She knows this, and tends to ignore it.
This is one of them small dogs that barks at the wind, cowers at fireworks, hides when a bus passes the house, attacks the front door if the doorbell rings, shakes uncontrollably, and has favorite areas he likes piss on around the house. He also still gets on the bed and couch after 6 years of kicking his ass up and down the hallway. And if you chase him, he just ducks and runs under furniture. He also wakes me up at night with his growling at the upstairs neighbor who probably got up to take a piss, and he keeps me awake with his long ass nails tapping on the hardwood floor as he searches the apartment for a place to piss in the moonlight. The little fucker doesn’t comprehend or learn and is 6 years old now, and he’ll be dead in another 6 years hopefully. These kinds of dogs are usually products of incest, so its not totally his fault for being retarded. But my problem is that my girlfriend loves this dog, as if it was a child. Now when he dies i’m gonna be relieved, ecstatic even…but i’m supposed to be there for her and tell her the cliche “its ok” according to societal norms. Even if i said that to her i don’t think she’d believe me anyway. She knows i hate that dog as much as i hate other peoples kids in restaurants. (Yes, i hate unruly children when im eating in public and their fat fuckin parents that sit there and do nothing….But thats for another post in the future)
So my solution is this; Just before the dog dies, i’ll break up with her. It’ll get me away from the situation to celebrate in peace, and she can go through all the stages of grief without interrupting my day with nonsense for a dog that i could have cared less for. Once her storm has passed, then i’ll hit her up with a text to go out for a drink…..then we’ll most likely fuck like bunnies and we’re back in the swing of things. I’m only on the planet once, and if i let the death of a 10 lb. dog ruin even one day of it…then i deserve everything that comes after. It may be an unpopular decision, but i’m happy that i have the common sense & testicular fortitude to even consider it. Theres a possibility that i won’t break up with her before it dies, but it’s definitely an option on the table that will never be ruled out. 1 thing is certain though, she knows i hate the dog and she knows that when he dies that she shouldn’t expect any support out of me.
*F00dstamps Final Thought: Just because you love someone does not mean you have to be there for them for everything. You’re both still individuals, and you only meet in the middle on certain things (aka Human Nature, use your own brain) If you meet in the middle on everything, then you both suck and need your asses kicked; cause that means either 1 of you or both of you is not thinking for yourselves.*
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