With Me As My Own Best Friend…Who Needs Enemies


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A couple of weeks ago I managed to royally screw up my life again in a major way. I shouldn’t be surprised, yet here I sit on my couch trying eat and drink my pain away with McDonald’s and beer, wondering how I could be so stupid. The more I think about it though, the more I realize that I am an even bigger idiot for being surprised, than I am for ruining my marriage chasing pussy that I’m never going to get. I know that sounds crazy as hell, but let me explain.

I started this blog almost eight years ago as a form of therapy so to speak. I had one of those rare moments of clarity; realizing I need to do something constructive to prevent myself from getting trapped in my own thoughts. I always liked writing, so what better way not to do dumb shit than to just write about dumb shit instead. Genius!! So I write a couple of articles, get bored, completely forget about why I started writing in the first place, and end up not writing a damn thing for six or seven years. There was a lot going on in my life during these years of hiatus. However without writing as at least one form of stress relief, I created a breeding ground for negative thoughts and bad habits to thrive. Once that happened, it was only a matter of time until those thoughts and habits led to bad decisions.

To my credit, I don’t make mistakes that are explosive disasters like a car bombing. Those kinds of mistakes can be too devastating to come back from. I make mistakes like ignoring a water stain forming on the ceiling in the guest bedroom for example. This example stain just so happens to be coming from a slow leak under the bathtub. My wife tells me to get it fixed, but I have more important shit to worry about. It’s no big deal until one minute my wife is enjoying a nice bath, and the next minute she is in an ambulance wishing I was in the guest bedroom when the ceiling collapsed. Those kinds of mistakes can be corrected or even improved with a renovated bathroom. My problem is that I don’t learn from the first mistake, I throw water on a grease fire and burn down the kitchen.

The biggest problem with the repeated mistakes I make is that they impact the ones I love the most. Often they get the worst end of the mistake. I’m not only my own worst enemy, but right now I’m my wife’s worst enemy too. I know this about myself, which is part of the reason why I’m a bigger idiot for being surprised that I screwed up again. The other part is that my mistakes are preventable. If I only went to therapy a long time ago, instead of foolishly thinking I could be my own counsel, I could be a lot happier right now. If I would have chased followers for my blog instead of fake women on MILFHunters.com, I wouldn’t be pushing the limits of my cholesterol one Big Mac at a time. I would still be drinking beer, just not a six-pack a day. It would be more in the 3-5 beers range.

On the bright side, I am going to therapy and writing on the blog again. I think I’m ready to be a grown-up now. Do some real adultin! I still have a ways to go, but this is a step in the right direction. I think I’m going to finish my chicken nuggets and Doritos, and watch a little YouTube before bed. After reading that, maybe I should step toward being a responsible teenager first…baby steps.

IIcents

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About iicents

I am who I am. Who I am has been forged in the fires of trials and the steel of tribulations. Built strong enough to strike a fearsome blow upon life, but sturdy enough to handle the recoils of hardship that it brings. I am a product of my mistakes, wrapped in a vessel of understanding. I know that the future is mine to mold and the past is ONLY a reminder of the events that have shaped me. I am of unique design that nothing earthly could ever alter or duplicate. Grateful. A troubled soul still searching for peace within. My road may be long, and my journey is grueling. But the blanket that comforts me is knowing that I am a capable traveler. This is my definition. This is who I AM. View all posts by iicents

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